Messages from God - Scriptures that have Found me during this Travail
12/17/2007 - having been told of my BIL's lung cancer today I turned to the Bible again and these words gave me some comfort. Philippians 2:21-25 ..... "I long to be freed from this life and to be with Christ; for that is the far better thing; yet it is more urgent that I remain alive for your sakes. This fills me with confidence that I will stay with you and persevere with you all, for your joy and your progress in the faith."
I usually read the Bible several times a week just before going to bed. I was not searching the Bible for comfortable things to read, nor was I searching for answers of questions, I just opened the Bible and these are the words that first hit my eyes. And I have read these pages many times in the past, but the significance of what the words said passed me by as I guess I didn't have the need of hearing them until now. And this is so much in keeping with the Bible where it says we see without seeing, we hear without hearing, and yet all along it is right there before our eyes.
1 Peter 4:7
The consummation of all is close at hand. Therefore do not be perturbed; remain calm so that you will be able to pray.
(On Nov 2, 2006 after being told of the CAT scan result and that cancer was highly suspected and we had to do the bronchospy because they required to have a laboratory finding before doing cancer treatment, that evening I opened the Bible to where it willed, and this was the first passage to come to my eyes. And I greatly needed this comfort at this time to remain calm so I can be with the Lord and ask his guidance is what I needed to do during this time.)
Philippians 4:4
Rejoice in the lord Always! I say again. Rejoice! Everyone should see how unselfish you are. The Lord is near. Dismiss all anxiety from your minds. Present your needs to God in every form of prayer and in petitions full of gratitude. Then God's own peace, which is beyond all understanding, will stand guard over your hearts and minds, in Christ Jesus.
(Having already been told of the PET scan results and knowing the following day I would hear the results of the bronchospy biopsy, I again opened the Bible and it fell to this page for my reading that night. For many years I prayed to God asking him to help me to know how to pray, and I was led into reading the Saint's writings like Teresa of Avila and St. Catherine of Sienna. It was through these writings that I became aware that I had received a locution and a blessed consolation from the Lord in 1996. Previous to that, I had dismissed what had happened as imaginings since I had never heard of those acts before. This passage gives me comfort in knowing that any form of request or petition to the Lord is a form of prayer and reminds me that the Holy Spirit knows all that is inside man's hearts.)
Acts 28:8
It happened that Publius' father was sick in bed, laid up with chronic fever and dysentery. Paul went in to see the man and, praying, laid his hands on him and cured him.
(Thanksgiving Day evening (11-23-06) I had written my uncle, the priest, a 3 page letter telling him of what had been going on in my life, and sometime during the writing I got this idea that I needed a "laying on of hands". Many years ago this was Extreme Unction, for those close to death, but I knew it had been changed to that of Healing for the Ill. So I asked him in that letter if he would do this for me, then I sealed the letter and took it to the mail boxes. Three hours later I opened the Bible for some reading that night, and it fell open to this exact spot. I was so astounded that my jaw dropped open - what was a mild thought in my head had become writing on the page. )
Hebrews 12:2
"My sons, do not disdain the discipline of the Lord, nor lose heart when he reproves you; For whom the Lord loves; he disciplines; he scourges every son he receives. Endure your trials as the discipline of God, who deals with you as sons.
One night I was thinking somewhat musingly as to why this was happening to me - having cancer and having to start chemotherapy soon and I opened the Bible to this spot. It made me think of those months eleven years ago when I became so mentally distraught that I wanted God to kill me as I saw no hope of any kind of life then. And yet when in Jan 1996 when I was marveling to myself if I had not been so mentally disabled and unable to work and had started receiving a pension, I would not have been able to help my parents in their last illnesses. It was then I had the locution from God saying to me "Now you know why I let happen to you what I did" and it became a revelation to me that sometimes bad things happen for good reasons, and we just don't know the reason. And I wonder if this is another example of why we need faith in the Lord and his actions.
2 Timothy 1:6-8
For this reason I remind you to stir into flame the gift of God bestowed when my hands were laid on you. The Spirit God has given us is no cowardly spirit, but rather one that makes us strong, loving and wise. Therefore never be ashamed of your testimony to our Lord, nor of me, a prisoner for his sake; but with the strength which comes from God bear your share of the hardship which the gospel entails.
The night before my first chemotherapy session (monday 12/4/06), I opened the Bible to this page. Again mention is made of laying on of Hands. I jokingly said, "Ok God, I get it! I am doing it Tuesday!"
1 Corinthians; 27-31
God chose those whom the world considers absurd to shame the wise; he singled out the weak of world to shame the strong........... One night I was thinking about my situation and wondering why these blessings have been happening to me, as I am a sinner like all of us.
I can only say that I hope in relating my blessings and thoughts that this offers hope and courage to others following this same path or others like it. I have often though some of the women saints, like Teresa of Avila and Therese of the LIttle Flowers to be frail vessels, always sick and whining about how they wanted to become saints bargaining with God to be so and how God tested their faith with pain and suffering refining their spirits to where they lost that weakness of the body and soul in the end. I am certainly not a saint nor do I want to be one, I just hope that what sufferings I do have are pleasing to God as demonstration of my faith and love.
2 Corinthians 6-9
"Let light shine out of darkness" has shone in our hearts that we in turn might make known the glory of God shining on the face of Christ. This treasure we possess in earthen vessels, to make it clear, that its surpassing power comes from God and not from us. We are afflicted in every way possible, but we are not crushed; full of doubts, we never despair. We are persecuted but never abandoned; we are struck down, but never destroyed.
Then the next night I come upon this section of the Bible. And so I hope that I can hold myself as a beacon for God's glory and not give in to blackness of spirit of despair - since the spirit within me is that of God.
1 Timothy 2: 9-11
Similiarly the women must deport themselves properly. They should dress modestly and quietly, and must not be decked out in fancy hair styles....rather, as becomes women who profess to be religious, their adornment should be good deeds.
Internally bemoaning the loss of my hair, I turn to St. Paul who says the above- So I shall try to take to heart that what adorns the outer body is nothing to the soul that resides within us, we do not need hair or dress to become a light.
Blessed Consolation from the Lord - June 1996
I had this unique experience happen to me, and when it did I had no idea what it was, had never heard of anything like it, and sort of pushed it aside in my mind wondering if I was crazy. It is with profound regret that I never told my parents of this before their deaths. Actually I never told anyone about it, until about 4 years ago. I had talked to my uncle the Priest and said I did not feel close to God and wanted to learn how I could become closer. He recommened that I read the female Doctor's of the Church (Catholic) and so I was able to find books by St. Teresa of Avila, St. Catherine of Sienna and St. Therese of the Little flowers and then I read them. It was in reading St. Teresa of Avila that I said to myself, when she was explaining what it was like to receive a Blessed Consolation from God, that I said to myself, "That's what happened to me!" I went to a Priest and told him about it in confession and while he did not confirm anything one way or another, he just told me not to pray for the rapture effect again. I had never even considered that what I had felt was rapture and I certainly had not prayed for it because I never even knew such a thing could be when it happened to me. And why it should happen to me, a sinner, and when it hapened to me was a complete mystery to me as well.
In January 1996 I had left my furnished apartment in Minnesota to drive to California to take care of my parents in their last illnesses, everyone believing that it would only be 3 - 6 months duration and it lasted over 5 years. My parents were very unhappy that I brought my 18 year old cat with me, since they intensely disliked cats, but both me and my vet felt we should not put down a perfectly healthy cat. So Morris drove the 2300 miles with me, semi doped up on tranks, and smuggled into hotel rooms every night along with his tiny litter box. So in California Morris spent most of the day outside and then I brought him into my bedroom at night, and so we peacefully co-existed with my parents. After 3-4 months Morris started losing alot of weight and I took him to Vet's who could find nothing wrong with him. Then in June 1996 he had a stroke and I took him to vet, and he died there and I had just received word of his death. I was inconsolable, having had that cat for almost 19 years. That cat had been with me through some of the toughest times of my life, thru a divorce, years of loneliness, illnesses, homelessness, and now the trip to California.
I was crying so hard in my bedroom, sobbing with grief, saying to myself that now no one would love me like Morris had, who had known me through thick and thin. I was knuckling my eyes so hard I was seeing red behind the closed lids. When suddenly I saw a golden light start at the top right hand of my closed eyelids, flowing down to the left side and I became aware of being enveloped with total joy and love. I was so astonished that I stopped crying immediately! The feeling that came over me was as if a cloak had totally been wrapped around me and that cloak was love producing an upsurge of joy within my body. My heart actually felt like at once that it had stopped and then that it leapt with joy trying to escape my body. This love that I felt was so all encompassing without any recriminations or judgements, just plain overwhelming love and compassion, and I heard in my mind just these simple words. "I know everything about you and I love you" I just knew I was with God and time stood still for me, my heart was beating so hard to escape my body and be one with God - there were no other thoughts in my head but wanting to go to God. The joy was in recognizing God's love and knowing how complete it was and that no one ever could love you like God does. There was "pain" in my heart because it was trying so frantically to leave and go to God. I was actually quivering with the desire to go. I had no thoughts of anyone or anything here on this earth. It was like being inside God, he was the entire universe and totality of everything there is or was or will be. I finally understood "I am that I am" because there is nothing except God. I understood that there never could be a "soul mate" on earth because the soul only desires to be one with God. I don't know how long that feeling (rapture) stayed with me, but as I told my uncle, the priest, that it could not have been very long because I don't see how a human body could have stood that pain for long. I also told my uncle that I came away with a different concept of God than that the Bible and the Church portrayed of a God seeking punishment for sins committed, for those who had repented their sins. I wondered why in being born, we are cut off from knowing this about God and our relationship to him. I told my uncle in reading the female Saints, it seemed that when these things ocurred to them, that they were also in very fragile vulnerable states of ill health or emotional upheavals and maybe we can only hear God when we are in same states because otherwise we cut ourselves off from hearing God when he is talking to us and we just don't hear.
So that is what happened to me over 10 years ago. I have often wondered why it happened to me, but think about the ones God choses to witness for him, frail vessels such as myself. I often wonder if the Priests also wonder why it happened to me, since they are the ones who have "given up" their lives to do His work. But I can close my eyes and feel it today almost as if it happened yesterday - my thoughts on it have ever expanded to where I could continue adding the insight such an experience gave me, after I allowed myself to think about it and know it for what it was. But I do NOT think that this is the reason I feel that I will recover from this cancer, because it has nothing to do with what is happening to me now. It is just a comfort to know that I am loved by God, and that I want to be good because we do not want to hurt the one we love with our actions.
Additional Scriptures I still read the Bible off and on, and came across these scriptures AFTER I had made postings on my blog. I think it remarkable that my postings seem to engender the same thoughts without directly being influenced in advance of reading them!
Epistle of Paul to Philemon 5:7 - for I keep hearing of your love and faith toward the Lord Jesus and all God's people. And my prayer is that your sharing of the faith with others may enable you to know all the good which is ours in Christ. I find great joy and comfort in your love, because through you the hearts of God's people have been refreshed.
Epistle to the Hebrews 1 - In times past, God spoke in fragmentary and varied ways to our fathers through the prophets.
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